a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
