You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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