So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
