So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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