everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Let's get the cat blown out
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
