someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
