Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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