Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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