So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
