I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
