It was like getting head from an anaconda
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
BRING THE BAGELS
They have beer where we have blood.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
