that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize