I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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