are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
