I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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