I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My dick has a subreddit
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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