...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
