Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize