If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
