Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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