What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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