I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I smell stomach acid.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
