I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
