After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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