Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
