Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
