Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
