i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
