I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
