it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
