so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
