just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Drunk is not a location!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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