How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she peed on how many people?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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