I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
