Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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