Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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