I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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