Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
