Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
