Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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