WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
