I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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