from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Ketchup is God's man juice
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
