Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
