Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
