Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
