The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
