Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
