apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
