thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
