Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
