If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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