I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
