my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You've changed since you got that strap on
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
