Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
