I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Screwed.edu
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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