Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
