May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
