we're chasing vodka with high fives
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
