Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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