Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
