i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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