I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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