I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
