just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
