mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
