so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
