ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
