you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize