The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
