I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
