I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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