There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
