i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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