in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
