I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
